Jan 29, 2023

When I was 15 years old, I had a teammate named Alexis. She was a bucket.

She had great size, she could bump and finish down low, and she had one of the prettiest shots I'd ever seen.

Skill level for a 15-year-old was at level 1000.

It was the WORST to play against her, and it was an advantage to play with her.

Except there was one thing that held Alexis back from truly being world class...

She was a bad teammate.

A bully.

When anyone would get the play wrong in practice, she'd belittle them.

She'd yell and point and scrunch her forehead so hard that it practically disappeared.

When something went wrong, it was never her fault.

When someone else succeeded, she resented them.

I shit you not, I've never forgotten this--about halfway through the summer I had a WILD game. I hit eight 3pts in the first half!! EIGHT!!

The halftime buzzer blew,

she sat down next to me,

looked me in my eyes and said,

"You're scoring too much. You need to stop shooting."

It wasn't fun to be around her... no matter how good she was.

Many of you are in the thick of season right now.

Adjustments are being made.

Rosters are shifting and settling.

Refs are being awful.

This is the time of year when heart, passion, and failure can mix up into something combustible.

And I'm here to check you--don't be an Alexis.

Reminders are best given before they're needed... so let me have your back:

This is the PERFECT time to remember what matters most in all of this:


It's the reason we play. It's what we work hard for. It's what we postpone while we're building--but we tend so easily to forget.

Prioritize it!

I'm certain everyone reading this is not that teammate.

The question then becomes...

how do we deal with that teammate?

I wrote about this once... and let me say first:

It won't be easy. But I promise you, it will be worth it. Team cohesion can be the difference between a 4-point win and a 4-point loss.

Do you and your teammates have mutual trust for one another?

Do you feel safe?

Is there something that is bothering you... something that you want to address, but you're just not sure how to do that without causing the aforementioned combustion?

If your answer to any of these questions was "Yes", then you should read this piece I wrote about difficult conversations.

Learning how to have difficult conversations opened up a completely different level of success for me and for the people around me.

Did your teammate make you mad or say something that rubbed you the wrong way?


It doesn't mean you have to come at someone sideways. In fact you should do the opposite--you come at it with love.

Lack of feeling love--either for themselves or from others--is the root of all unpleasantries.

So have the hard conversation, and do it because it's coming from a place of love.

And I know this can be a really hard thing to tackle. So if you're not sure how to frame it all... I want to help you through it.

This link is set for this Sunday night, December 18, 2022 at 7:30pm CST.

I'm opening it up for five people--young or old-- who are currently struggling with a teammate.

I'll ask that you share context in as much detail as possible (before the meeting), and we'll work through how you can approach that conversation together. :)

I've got a friend named Skyler who is studying to become a doctor.

She taught me something about our brains that made tackling these sort of things SO MUCH easier.

Maybe understanding this will help you too.

The same part of our brain that is responsible for fear...​it is also responsible for excitement!​Both emotions are stemming from nervousness.​The only difference between the two is the perspective we decide.​Eustress = good stress; we should be nervous about the big things because without the nervousness we would never be excited.

Do the scary thing that you know is going to be the best for everyone in the long run.

You're building a valuable skill that the most successful people I've ever met have as second-nature now.

Keep getting buckets out there.

Find a way to love each other through the chaos.

Playoffs are just around the corner.

Shooters Shoot,